What Is a Wife?

So far in the wedding planning process, I've been finding myself reading a lot. Those of you who know me aren't shocked by this. I was the girl who got detention in 6th grade for reading in my reading class. Yup. So naturally, I'd turn to a variety of books and blogs to help me navigate this process. What I've found is that, although it is nice knowing the seventeen ways to fold napkins to make your reception tables look nice, I am searching for what happens that next day.

One of my favorite blogs so far is called A Practical Wedding. I'd got a few of the posts that had popped onto my Pinterest feed, and was intrigued enough that I'm slowly working my way through her archives, from old to new. My favorite part, beyond the just utterly brilliant snark, the unwavering support for equality in marriage, and the sheer levelheadedness of it is the emphasis not so much on the one day as the living your life with another person from that day forward.

In the recent stretch that I've read, there have been a number of posts about defining "wife". What exactly does that mean? How defines it, and how? Sure, we've got the religious and legal definitions. But even those are sticky, as currently only 13 out of our 50 states have bothered to get their heads out of their bums and woken up to equal rights. And, I'm not really down with that whole subservience thing that I often feel gets pushed in the religious quadrent, at least the Catholic part I grew up in.

The other component of this, as Meg over at APW points out, is the often quick transfer of titles from wife to mother. And this is where it sometimes get sticky. Over at her blog, it became an unintended Mom duke fest between Stay at Homes who are happy with their choice and Go To Works who are also happy with their choice. You also had those groups on the sidelines watching it go down; the I Don't Want Kids Evers, the I Don't Want Kids Right Nows, the Maybe Maybe Nots, and the Been Trying But Cannots.

Right now, today at least, I don't necessarily have the answers. I'm going to keep reading the APW posts, because she seems to be in a similar mindset to myself. I'm also reading through the Iowa marriage law, and what legally at least it means. I also have a good friend, soon to be known as Pastor A, and I'll maybe see if I can chat with her about it some.

Mr. C and I during our first Valentine's Day together

To me, right now, being Mr. C's wife means that I will be on his team, no matter what. Everything I do from this point on isn't just about me, it is about our team. And that I can trust him to be on my team too. I know there's more to it than that, but for today at least that seems to be enough.